When we\u2019ve been single for a long time, (some of us longer than others) at some point, we got comfortable being by ourselves.\u00a0 We\u2019ve gotten complacent with our relationship status and indifferent about being in love. While we may be ready to be in a romantic relationship, the thought of dating becomes this buzz kill that requires more work than being a strong and i-n-d-e-p-e-n-d-e-n-t woman (or man). Instead of dating, we\u2019d rather be working more hours, picking up extra shifts or focusing on our careers. We spend our time distracting our minds with television or social media and other people\u2019s drama. Why deal with all of the baggage that comes with being with someone when I could be by myself?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Now we\u2019re in our early-thirties ready to be in a relationship \u2014 ready to do the damn thang <\/i>\u2014 but there are no good guys (or girls) left. All of the men we meet are flakey, and the women are high maintenance. Men don\u2019t approach us anymore, and women are setting the bar too high. We keep swiping right, but that is about as far as it gets. Dating is too hard. Maybe we should hire a match maker, but that\u2019s too expensive. Fuck it. We\u2019ll just move to Southern California where there\u2019s a better chance of meeting someone \u2014 and we\u2019ll just tell everyone that we\u2019re packing up and moving our entire lives for the weather. I\u2019ve got news for you, boo. Unless you are living on a remote island with aboriginals, there is not a scarcity of potential mates, nor is it the environment that is keeping you from being in a relationship. Lets be real: YOU are the common denominator.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Okay, I agree. Dating has evolved tremendously \u2014 thanks to technology, media and yes, globalization. But even with the ability to connect with others literally at the tip of our fingers, the conversation around dating hasn\u2019t shifted towards a positive direction. I would even argue that it\u2019s gotten worse. I would go even further to argue that it\u2019s not technology, the media or globalization\u2019s fault, but that it\u2019s the ever-growing gap of expectation-causing singleites to become apathetic or even jaded. Instead of using our resources as a tool, people are expecting more from doing a lot less. In other words, guys expecting girls to respond desperately after they\u2019ve made the first move with \u201chey\u201d (as a full-sentence) \u2014 or women expecting men to be the first to say \u201chey\u201d after \u201cIt\u2019s a match!\u201d We are not willing to do the work and put our asses out on the line to be with another person. As a result we miss out on all of the possibilities of experiencing love, connection and intimacy. When it comes to dating, our biggest cock-block is our sense of entitlement.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Before I made the conscious effort to transform myself and my relationship with men, I was that<\/i> girl \u2014 the girl that always went out with at least four girlfriends, making sure that there was always one in front of me, one behind me and one on either side of me to keep any guys out. I was that<\/i> girl who will ghost you after our first date (but if you\u2019re lucky, our first drink). I was that <\/i>girl who would do anything to avoid being vulnerable \u2014 like dating emotionally, mentally or even physically unavailable men. I was that<\/i> girl who would fantasize about dating professional athletes, fall in love with men across the Pacific Ocean and intentionally seek out romantic rendezvous on the other side of the world \u2014 all too avoid being in a real relationship with a real man. And when I finally realized that I wanted a partner to share my life with, I knew that I needed to do the work and put my ass on the line for The Relationship that I wanted.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

What does it mean to \u201cdo the work and put my ass on the line\u201d? While I could write a whole book on doing the work and putting asses on the line, I won\u2019t overwhelm you with advice, especially if the possibility of being in a romantic relationship is brand new. Instead, I will leave you with three actions to take that will give you access to an opening as you embark on this life adventure filled with love, connection and intimacy.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\n
1. Get Complete<\/b><\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

   In other words, get closure. When people say, \u201cI need closure.\u201d I agree. Closure is necessary\u00a0 \u2014 whether it\u2019s tomorrow or a decade from now. Sometimes, all it takes is a conversation that includes taking responsibility and acknowledging the other person. Most times, you\u2019re going to have to dig deep and do the work to discover the stories and the barriers that hav2 kept you from being vulnerable. There are structures that can support the healing process. See below.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

   2. Get A Coach<\/b><\/p>\n

   Almost all professional athletes and successful entrepreneurs have a coach. Equipped with tools and techniques, coaches are trained to give us an objective perspective that we cannot see for ourselves. Because you have intentionally sought out help, you will be able to hear what your coach has to say that your friends may have been saying forever. Whether it\u2019s a relationship coach, a chakra healer or a freakin\u2019 shaman, don\u2019t suffer alone.<\/p>\n

    <\/p>\n

   3.\u00a0 Get Going \u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n

   Now that you\u2019ve done the work to get things complete with \u201cclosure\u201d and got some help to heal, it\u2019s time to get going \u2014 start dating or just start doing the work to help you get clear and closer to what you really want in a partner and a committed relationship. Other ways that you can practice being another person without going on dates is to take partner dance classes like salsa, swing, tango or even check out contact dancing. You can even try acro-yoga (also known as partner yoga). Put your ass on the line and do the work \u2014 or be entitled and be alone.<\/p>\n

   \n
   • Ranny<\/li>\n
   • Seaspot<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

     When we\u2019ve been single for a long time, (some of us longer than others) at some point, we got comfortable being by ourselves.\u00a0 We\u2019ve gotten complacent with our relationship status and indifferent about being in love. While we may be ready to be in a romantic relationship, the thought of dating becomes this buzz kill […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1457,"featured_media":6303,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_seopress_robots_primary_cat":"","_seopress_titles_title":"","_seopress_titles_desc":"","_seopress_robots_index":"","_seopress_analysis_target_kw":"","content-type":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[548,16],"tags":[1070,970,1072,1073,915,144,1000,1071],"class_list":["post-6951","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-editorials-columns","category-lifestyle","tag-30something-single-the-cock-block-of-entitlement","tag-dating","tag-love-an-relationships","tag-love-life","tag-ranny-kang","tag-seaspot","tag-single-life","tag-singles"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/staging.seaspot.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/12\/19429948_703872409814938_4111956081272301863_n-1.jpg?fit=960%2C960&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"distributor_meta":false,"distributor_terms":false,"distributor_media":false,"distributor_original_site_name":"Seaspot - Celebrating 24 Years Online!","distributor_original_site_url":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com","push-errors":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6951","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1457"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=6951"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/6951\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/6303"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=6951"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=6951"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/staging.seaspot.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=6951"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}